i am

Depending on where I am, I’m Carrie, Carolyn, gaoo. Mom. Daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, friend. Widow.

I hope, expect even, that I’ll be able to talk about things other than my husband Jeff’s far-too-early death from metastatic colon cancer. Even on my worst days, the ability to find joy in flowers, food, sunshine & clouds, the softness of the cat’s fur and my exceedingly smart and witty, kind and lovely daughter lets me know that all is not lost – it’s grief, not depression.

(Well, ok, there’s depression, too.)

I am 57 now. And counting, always counting. I was 48 when Jeff died on July 17, 2009. We were married for nineteen years, together four more before that, best of friends most of the decade before that. Our pride and joy is College Girl, who now must make her way without her #1 cheerleader, her dad. I’ve been self employed over half my life, running a business with my husband much of that time,  and now trying to find my way in this, the New Normal.

It is what it is.

I just haven’t figured out what it is yet.

I’d love to know you’re here. Please send me a comment or just a hello, or like my Through A Widow’s Eyes Facebook page, and join the legions of friends, widowed and otherwise, I have made there. There are a lot of us out here wandering around bumping into things.

My private email is gaoostep(at)gmail(dot com).


  1. Hi Carrie, Ethan Remmel’s partner here. What’s your e-mail? Kathy couldn’t find it, and I just wanted to drop you a line.


  2. Hello, Carrie – though I have not lost a husband, I definitely understand grief and depression…


  3. I’m here, Carrie. I’m here….


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