Posted by: carolyn / through a widow's eyes | October 15, 2014

pity party

I am so proud of my widowed community. What an amazing group of people we are. I love us so much.

I love the way we show up for each other, with gentleness, kindness, humor, and respect for the journey. I love the way we don’t sweat the small stuff (as much). And I super love the way the widows went to bat for one of our own the other night. One of us let slip the fact that a major life event made her miss her late husband. News flash to the clueless! Yup, that’ll happen. For. Ever. This does not constitute a “pity party”.

Her “friend” had the temerity to quote reams of Ecclesiastes to this widow. You know, to everything there is a season. Super helpful. Thanks for that. This is only a small fraction of what this Christian woman said to her widowed friend: “I want to tell you…your time of mourning is over. It is time to enjoy the life God gave you. It is time to renounce the self-pity party. [He] is in Heaven with our Heavenly Father and you know that you will reunite with him. God is more important than any person! It is time to put things in order.”

Well, oh my goodness. Can I just say that this “friend” got SCHOOLED. Within minutes there were dozens of responses, the gentlest of which said something like “Be kind to the uninformed.” The widow herself said this: “With all love I say that you don’t know what you’re talking about. If you ever become widowed (and I hope you don’t), then I’ll listen to you.” And then quoted the Bible right back to her. The part about judge not lest ye be judged, for one.

This widow is a pillar of our community. She has made a life for herself the likes of which were not even a glimmer in the Before. She has mothered her children. (so! many! children! who also, ahem, had lost their father, just sayin’.) She is an inspirational writer. She is on the board of at least one illustrious foundation. I could go on. But suffice to say that she is a shining example for the rest of us, coming along behind. Her life is the antithesis of a pity party.

You really don’t want to get the widows riled, because we rally round our own to end injustice where we find it, just like frickin Superman.



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