Posted by: carolyn / through a widow's eyes | May 15, 2011


I was having a random, apropos of nothing checkup the other day. Last year when I met this doctor she saw “widowed” circled on the form, and we talked about it at length. I cried. She was very understanding. She had lost a grown son 10 years ago, and she talked about how hard it is/yet life goes on eventually.

This year she said
How long has it been now?
and I said 21 months,
and she said Oh. You’re still counting.

Yes. I am still counting.

And I don’t know what I would do without all of you here with me.



  1. I just had to share this link (to a radio show) with you because a mother and daughter talk about their sign (which is dimes for them) and because you’re always finding signs of hearts, I thought you might like to listen to it x

    I don’t know if we ever stop counting … perhaps we just count in different (larger measurements and less often …. years instead of months. After all we began with hours then days, now months


  2. erm, widow brain – here is the link:


  3. Thanks for the link boo. I will listen. Sometimes the hearts feel like he is laying them out for me to find, and sometimes I think it is all just me walking slowly through life noticing. Sometimes they are way too freaky in how/when/where they appear and what material they are. I just don’t know what to think..

    Yes, I figure at two years it’ll go to years not months. Like when my little girl turned two then she was just two, not 24 months. But I did not feel the need to defend myself to the dr. ; I was too busy being offended.

    Oh well…..Life goes on they keep telling me.


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